The Morning Star Rising on the First Day

A VISION OF A JESUS-FILLED WORLD COMING TO PASS

STARTING OVER FROM SCRATCH

I never comprehended how difficult it would be to quit drinking, however. What I would soon find out was that drinking had become the focus of my interpersonal relationships. Liquor was almost always intertwined with my social activities and, quite candidly, had become the foundation for many friendships. While I participated in numerous social activities, I soon conceded that drinking was involved in all of them. Drinking was a component of the softball leagues, as well as canoe trips, camping, bowling, poker games, parties, travel, and other pursuits, and I would face a large void without it.

So, I attempted to avoid drinking at bars and social events, but when I did, it seemed that my drinking friends, whom I have high esteem, were less friendly than before. Sure, they were cordial and gracious every time we got together, but even so, I felt a new distance had emerged. I wondered if they were skeptical of our friendship since I was not drinking or hanging out with them as often as before. It was not their fault; I was the one who changed.  

Then I thought, what the heck? There is no reason I should avoid going to these activities with my friends. I will drink ginger ale or club soda and forget the alcohol. In practice, however, that did not work either. My world-class comedian buddies were not as funny when I was sober. I saw myself as the stick in the mud—the only one not laughing. Then I thought, well, maybe I will try recreational drugs. Perhaps this will allow me to get down with the crowd. But these drugs only dumbed me down, which was not what I wanted either.

In the end, I dropped out entirely. I started thinking about how few people visited me during my three-month stay in the hospital. I suddenly felt like a stranger and realized my old life was gone! I was also disheartened at home and eventually moved into an apartment about a year later. I needed to reinvent myself—build a new life. I had to change, but into what?